my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
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Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
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Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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