your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
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