I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
