I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
