I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
