I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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