did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
