Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Randomize
