he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize