If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
