Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
