Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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