so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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