it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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