True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
