dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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