My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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