im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
