It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Randomize
