If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
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