He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
accomplished twins. life is a go
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Randomize
