DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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