i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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