chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
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I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
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My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
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