just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
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