I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Pants are for mortals
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
