Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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