Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Dignity is for republicans.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
