We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
