Dual....:-)
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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