Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Randomize
