The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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