Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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