You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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