shes about as inviting as chlamydia
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Randomize
