just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
