I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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