At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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