Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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