ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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