If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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