either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
you had me at cake vodka
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
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