...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
