1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
why do cheetos always look like penises
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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