Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
