so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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