Your mouth is God's brothel.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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