She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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