if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
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he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
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Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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