I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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