thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize
