I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
