then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
You left your underwear on the fireplace
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
