She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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