he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Let's get the cat blown out
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize