I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
