he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
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