even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
