i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
