i always forget guys have bellybuttons
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Randomize
