do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Randomize
