I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
