I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Someone came in the potted fern
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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