For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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