i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
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