please come you make the beer taste better
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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