I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
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