I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
