We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
