I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
We had to coat check the pizza.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
