Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
