ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
