I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Randomize
