I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
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