Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Randomize
